HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE?

HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE? 

"Have you ever loved someone?" she asks suddenly. Her voice is soft, like she's afraid of the words she speaks. 

I come beside her to sit on the ground. "I didn't know it at the time," I tell her. 

She turns to look at me. "What do you mean?" Her face is so young, so innocent, and it is amazing that she finds the ability to speak of love. 

"There was a man. I think he taught me what love was. And I didn't realize this until he was gone." 

"What happened?" Hadley's face softens. Her eyes shine a bit at the promise of a story - a love story. 

I smile despite myself. "I don't know what happened. I discovered there is more than what we can see in the world. Magic and stories and travel - it's all very beautiful and dangerous. There was a man named Garren. We discovered an island. In many ways, it destroyed me but it also saved me." 

"But you loved him? Garren?"

I smile. It's the first time I've heard his name spoken by someone else. It shouldn't make a difference, but it does. "I still do." 

"So what happened?" Her brow furrows.

All her attention is turned to me and I realize that she is still just a child. She leans forward at my words as if this is all nothing but a fairy tale. 

"We were something when we were together. Then we became separated, and it wasn't until I no longer had Garren that I realized how much I needed him." 

"Did he love you?" 

Her words hurt, and they shouldn't. But the simple fact that Garren may not love me haunts me to the core. 

Hadley sees this. 

But did he love me? I remember our time together. We cared for each other, but could he have loved me? He kissed me. On my forehead for comfort, but also his lips were against my own and for the first time since my human life. I had felt warmth and life - if only for a moment. Was that love? 

"I'm sorry," she says. 

I shake my head. I try to smile at Hadley in order to let her know I hadn't been hurt by the words.

"No, it was a good question. But I don't know the answer." 

She stares at me with open eyes. An understanding is there. She holds my gaze for a long time before dropping her eyes. 

"I don't know what love is, Luna," she says. Her voice hints at sadness. There is a tug and pull in her emotions, the only way to read the confusion in her thoughts. "Valen - the boy who was supposed to meet me in the forest - he was supposed to be there that day, but he wasn't. And I kept waiting. I waited for him to come through the trees and save me, but he never did. We always snuck away to see each other - we never got caught. And sometimes I would sing to him, and he would just watch me - he'd never look away." 

I rest my hand on her shoulder and she looks up at me. She's so young, but the hurt she feels now is the same I face every day when the sun rises without Garren or when the moon peeks through the clouds at night, yet I'm still alone. 

"I still wait for Garren too," I tell her. It doesn't help Hadley to know that we all hurt the same or how that feeling never goes away - it just becomes bearable - but she seems to release some long-held tension in her body as she breathes now.

"Do you believe Garren will come for you?" she asks. 

"Do you believe Valen will come for you?" I ask in return. It's not a fair question. I know nothing of Hadley and Valen's love story. For all I know, the love story was in Hadley's imagination, but when I look at her I know that's not true. Her stare carries a loss that only comes when love has been taken away. It leaves us scarred and beautiful at the same time, because we've experienced something glorious. 

"I want to believe he'll come," she says, "but I also fear it may be impossible." Hadley stares at the greenery of the trees again, searching, always seeking the one thing she wishes for most, but it never comes. 

"Then we'll believe," I say, but I don't stay with her. In slow movements I pick myself off the ground and CROSS back to the lagoon. In the time that has passed, the sky has grown just dark enough for the moon to shine in the night. It reflects off the water, like it has every night, and I'm reminded that Garren is out there without me. 

[I used Live Transcribe speech-to-text app. - G]

[Lyrical prose. - G]

- From Mandi Lynn: I AM MERCY (Kindle Edition), p. 264-268

Garden - God - Garden (of Eden)

Hadley: James Hadley Chase

Luna - Moon goddess - Lunar - Lunatic 

I wonder if Mandi wrote this novel - or a top ghost writer wrote it for her. Sorry. - G 

Anchor podcast #200: HAVE YOU EVER LOVED SOMEONE? (Oct 26, 2021)

Kishalay Sinha [G] Nov 18, 2021 

Lady J.H.T

I am nibbling my second sandwich with my second Scotch. The phone rings. 'Is that 420420?' It is. 'Sir, please speak to the Secretary, Ministry of Education.'

'How are you, old cock?' (The Secretary and I are on Delhi's old cock network). He does not wait for an answer and proceeds. 'This is about Lady Hoity-Toity. You must have read about her in the morning papers! Famous archaeologist, cousin of the Queen, Guest of the President, V.V.I.P. etc., etc. Good contact; maybe a good lay. She wants to examine some old sites to see if she can dig up something. Everything laid on. Limousine, caviar, champagne. Everything that our poor country can afford. Can you take her around?'

'Sure!'

'Fine! The car will pick you up at five in the morning. Don't keep her Ladyship waiting. Have a nice fuck.'

Before I can explode 'Five!' he puts down the receiver. I reason with myself. One early morning compensated by a lifetime of name-dropping. How does it go? 'Sound, sound the clarion, fill the fife, throughout the sensual world proclaim, one crowded hour of lusty loving, is worth an age without a name.' I'd have a whole day with a world celebrity, with a bit of luck seduce her and go down in the pages of history as one of her lovers.

(p. 377)

[Lady J.H.T. = Lady Jane Hoity-Toity]

[Jane as in Jane Austen etc.]

Khushwant Singh: DELHI 

Khushwant Singh: THE COLLECTED NOVELS (PENGUIN BOOKS):

Train to Pakistan

I Shall Not Hear the Nightingale

Delhi

A sex-starved sex maniac fucking "royal" Nazi prostitute: but arrogance unlimited.

Kishalay Sinha [G] Nov 19, 2021