রক্ষিতা Bengali short film (YouTube)

রক্ষিতা Bengali short film (YouTube)

TALKING TO AN EMPTY BEING / PETER OUTSMARTED 

He looked at me and wrote something on his note pad. Maybe he wrote, 'potential murderer.' 

'Wait, what are you writing? I do not want any medication, okay?' I said.

'Please continue,' he replied shortly. 

All my teenage years, I hated the man [Peter] who abused me. Whenever I saw him [Peter], fear overcame me. In a small [or big] society like ours, avoiding him was impossible. Every time we came upon each other, he [Peter] gave me this knowing smirk, taunting me. I wanted to run away and slap the smirk off his face all at once. How did I spend so many years living in the same place [Earth], seeing him [Peter] almost every day without killing him [Peter]? 

As much as I hated those extreme feelings, he was also a fixation. Sometimes I was like a jealous girlfriend. Why did I want to know what he [Peter] was doing? Why couldn't I just move on? What was wrong with me? What was this power he [Peter] had over me? It puzzled, tormented and disgusted me. 

He [Peter] was everywhere I went, listened to all I said. He was better at all the emotional games I played. There was just no escaping him. He [Peter] was like a shadow, following me everywhere but never once approaching directly. It felt like he [Peter] was a hunter and I was the prey. He kept circling me noiselessly, waiting for the opportunity to go in for the kill. 'Can you imagine the kind of terror I lived in?' I asked Dr. X. 'This happened for many years till I moved away for higher education.'

'I [silently] asked God to help me understand what happened. But it often felt like I was talking to an empty being. And the more I prayed, the more alone I felt. This was when my relationship with God broke.' (p. 30-32)

Eventually, her "dad" Joseph (Stalin) got her kidnapped by Peter (Hitler), her body was transformed into another form and the transformed girl then  went through plastic surgery and her lips and vagina were mutilated and her vocal cord was cut to make her dumb, and she was taken by Peter/Hitler to God as an act of open defiance, confident that she being dumb could not communicate to Him, and Peter/Hitler brutally raped and tortured her in his house ... but she had outsmarted Peter and had symbolically conveyed to God the secret identity of her BM rapist: Peter/Hitler/"Christ" - and The Empty Being aka God reported to the authorities. - G 

WHO AM I ?

My dear heart, 

Nobody is going to come and help us. Nobody has the time or the patience. So we have to sort out these myriad of emotions alone. I have been thinking more than usual and here is the conclusion. I am going to write.

A lot of people will say that I am weak for letting a few incidents ["a few incidents"] have such a huge impact on me. Believe me, dear heart, when I say that  reaching for help is not a sign of weakness. Rather it is a sign of the willingness to be alright [all right]. I just need to quieten my thoughts and focus on one thing at a time.

There has been this realization that in order to get through, we must go to the beginning [to the Garden of Eden billions of years ago?] and work our way from there. So I will start with, 'Who am I? What is my purpose in life?' 

My counselor said that some sexual abuse survivors go on to achieve their dreams and live life with zeal. However, a bigger percentage of survivors are often left with wounds so severe that anything normal is not possible. So here I am, reduced to a number [used in calculation of percentage]. But no matter what happened with him [who? the male counselor?], at least he helped me identify feelings to a certain extent. And that has helped me start talking.

The question remains - Who am I? I am a clumsy rambling woman with low EQ [Emotional Quotient] who hides behind smart sounding words which make no sense. I am emotionally distressed with no particular talent to speak of. I am a girl who lost her way [billions of years ago?] and [but] would hate to be defined by that. I am a girl who has not travelled far even though the journey started a long, long time ago. I am a girl who strategically places herself near the exit while watching horror movies. And if you are a twenty-six years old woman with a very bad grasp of emotions and relationships [low Emotional Quotient/EQ], then you are pretty much fucked [pr.] in life.

I am a girl who perpetually sees the negative in every situation. I am a person with just enough stubbornness to hang on but without the necessary drive to finish what is started. Sheer stubbornness has thus far led me on this journey. Life has thrown enough painful lessons that it has become a dull ache somewhere. I wake up, I work, I sleep. Tick tock, tick tock life goes by as I watch myself do the same activities everyday. Like a song played in loops.

So why am I here? What is the purpose of us being here? I am sure it is not to go to war or fight each other. If God is watching, surely he [He] must be tired of us already? He must have given up on us as a race. The repeated mistakes, intent to harm others, the need to get back at people for the wrong that happened to us. Nations fighting each other, atrocities committed against humans in the name of justice, people killed in the name of religion. What for? What is the purpose? [Everything began with FREE S. and the desire to replace God. - G] 

(p. 38-42)

- N. Jamir: "THE RELUCTANT DAUGHTER: An epidemic not noticed", self-published novel; ISBN 978-1-944171-92-6; Price: ₹ 300; email ID of the author is: 

thereluctantdaughter@gmail.com

I suspect that the author has used a pen name - "N. Jamir" - which may not be her real name. Also, the photo on the book's back cover may not be her real photo. Of course, the name and the photo on the cover could be genuine. I was only speculating that they might be fake. Sorry if they are genuine, not fake. Best wishes to the real (or fictitious) author. - G 

Kishalay Sinha [G]

अब चीन 

काल्पनिक "करुणा" और काल्पनिक "पाकिस्तान" छोड़कर अब काल्पनिक "चीन" के पीछे जी ! Funny pathetic 420 Nazi cheats! 420 Nazis को अच्छी तरह मालूम, बहुत पहले ही खेल खत्म हो चूका है, फिर भी 420 नाटक जारी है - हंसी आता हे जी ! कायर Nazis का चिल्ला चिल्ला कर रोना सुनकर मुझे रोना भी आता है जी - लेकिन Crocodile tears जी ! Fucking Nazis Peter & Co. KNOW that the game is up.

Kishalay Sinha किशलय सिन्हा [G]