GETTING LAID

REVIEWS OF "The Inscrutable Americans" by Anurag Mathur 

"Anurag Mathur ... is the toast of India's capital ... (His) tale of a subcontinental bumpkin at sea in the American heartland has struck a chord with Indian intellectuals...." - International Herald Tribune 

"Anurag Mathur's book brings us face to face with the US from a delightfully new angle... A highly readable book, 'The Inscrutable Americans" is, like (its) protagonist, funny, thoughtful and astute in equal measure." - Business India 

"Leafing through Anurag Mathur's 'The Inscrutable Americans', (one) can see that this book must be a very popular read...." - The Telegraph 

"There is no self-contempt or post-colonial anguish in 'The Inscrutable Americans', instead there is a boisterous, if comical celebration of both India and America." - The Times of India 

"Through his disastrous English and pious judgements (his ears ringing with predictions of doom from mother and grandmother if he so much as looked at beef or girls), Gopal retains a gentle dignity and a startling shrewdness... In the process he arouses an exasperated affection from friends, colleagues, teachers and most of all the readers...." - Indian Express 

Anurag Mathur: THE INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS (RUPA PAPERBACK) 

The title of this novel reminds Me that God is Frustratingly Inscrutable.

Kishalay Sinha [G] 

GETTING LAID 

"What are Indian girls like?"

"I am not knowing much," confessed Gopal, "but why you are called Randy?"

"Because I am. That's why, I guess. And I am because that's my name, know what I mean?"

"No."

"Well hell, aren't Indian guys Randy?"

"Yes, some boys, but ..."

"You mean you don't go out on dates and stuff?"

"Well in the cities every one is doing, but ours is small town, so..."

"You mean you've never been on a date?"

"Well..."

"Aw come on, you must've laid a couple of girls by now, huh?"

"No, actually..."

"You mean you're actually a virgin?"

Gopal nodded shamefacedly.

"Well, holy shit, I don't think I've ever met one before. It's not infectious, is it? Stay away from me. Can I get it just by looking at you? Hot damn boy, thank you, you've given my life meaning and a direction and a goal."

"What?" stuttered Gopal.

"I'm going to get you laid. Yes sir, you heard me right. I do hereby swear as a red-blooded American, that before you go back to India, I'm going to get you right royally laid from sea to shining sea so help me God."

"Hey, heh," simpered Gopal. "No, no," he protested with a noticeable lack of vigour. "I cannot do all that and all that and things like that."

"Oh yes, you can do all that and all that and believe it or not, even things like that. Do you have a phone here [with you]? I'm going to call Hot Pants Holly* and get this over with right away."

Gopal shied away in alarm. "No, no, no phone yet," he said in relief. This was moving a little too fast for him. 

(p. 44-45)

*[Compare Captain Ms. Holly, female leader of underground Nazi "fairies", who was "kidnapped" by the young "criminal mastermind" Artemis Fowl, Hero of the Artemis Fowl young adult fiction series. - G]

(From Anurag Mathur: "THE INSCRUTABLE AMERICANS", Rupa.)

I have successfully eluded top Nazi honeytraps* in Guwahati, Mumbai, UIUC, UIC, vicious Nazi honey traps let loose by panic-stricken Nazis who desperately wanted to prevent My bringing immortality to the human race, denied immortality for billions of years by Satan and his evil gang of humanoid male and female Nazis on and inside earth, living in extreme panic, scared of God and invisible psycho-technologists.

*thousands of vicious Nazi clones worldwide e.g. mass murderer Nazi bitch "Dr." Margaret Chan, W.H.O. 

Kishalay Sinha [G]