THREATENING LETTER FROM ARTEMIS FOWL

ARTEMIS FOWL 

Now that you have reviewed the case file [of young "criminal mastermind" Artemis Fowl], you must realize what a dangerous creature this Fowl is.

There is a tendency to romanticize Artemis...

He kept the existence of the [Nazi underground] People quiet only so that he could continue to exploit them over the years, which he did on several occasions. His one mistake was leaving Captain [Ms. Holly] Short alive. [Ms.] Holly became the LEP's foremost expert in the Artemis Fowl cases, and was invaluable in the fight against the [underground] People's most feared enemy. This fight was to continue across several decades. 

Ironically, the greatest triumph for both protagonists [Artemis Fowl and Ms. Holly Short] was the time they were forced to cooperate during the goblin insurgence. But that's another story.

Report compiled by: Doctor J. Argon, B. Psych, for the LEP Academy files.

Details are 94 per cent accurate, 6 per cent unavoidable extrapolation [guessing].

BRIEF ENCOUNTERS WITH ... ARTEMIS FOWL 

Artemis is impossible. Everytime we set up an interview he doesn't show. I think he enjoys standing me up. It's his idea of a joke. I get the message, of course. The message is that I am nothing more than his lackey, there to answer his call like a little lap dog. Artemis believes that I wouldn't even have a career if it wasn't for him. Well, I've got news for you, Master Fowl. [यानि अभिमान অভিমান] I was a successful writer [in my previous incarnations] before you came along - I had sold dozens of books and won two certificates of merit. Maybe I lied a bit about my age for the second certificate, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't need you, Artemis Fowl. [Very sad, very tragic.] There are loads of things I could write about. I have an idea about a girl who discovers a door in her... toybox that leads into a world [reminds Me of Alice in Wonderland] ruled by an ice princess. I'm sure that would be a mega bestseller. [My best wishes to Mega Bestseller.] 

***

If Internet rumours are to be believed, twelve-year-old Artemis Fowl is responsible for every major crime of the new century. [Satan and gang of Nazis responsible.] In this, the story of Artemis's first encounter with the [underground] fairy people [male and female Nazis], you'll find out how the criminal mastermind hatched a plot to restore his family's fortune - and how he discovered a world below ground of armed and dangerous fairies and mind-blowing technology [mind-blowing? pathetic]. 

And you'll learn how, by kidnapping Captain [Ms] Holly Short of the Lower Elements Police [LEP], Artemis Fowl almost triggered a cross-species war ... [Nazis have kidnapped and raped females for billions of years. But not My cup of tea. Beneath My dignity.]

(Excerpts from Eoin Colfer: ARTEMIS FOWL. Eoin is pronounced Owen.)

'Fast-paced, tongue-in-cheek, with some laugh-out-loud jokes. Smart and page-turning' - Sunday Times 

Kishalay Sinha [G]

THREATENING LETTER FROM ARTEMIS FOWL 

From: Artemis Fowl II 

Sent: Today 

To: Eoin Colfer 

Subject: artemisfowl.co.uk 

Dear Mr Colfer,

I was disappointed to learn of your continued efforts to hack into my personal files at artemisfowl.co.uk. Please desist. This is a fruitless exercise. Continued attempts to crack my password will result in a visit from my lawyers and ultimately a visit from Butler.

Mr Colfer, you have been warned.

Artemis Fowl II 

Fowl Manor 

(From Eoin Colfer: ARTEMIS FOWL AND THE OPAL DECEPTION) 

Kishalay Sinha [G] 

INFINITE LIGHT YEARS 

I understood long ago that My mind is infinite light years ahead of petty terrestrials who have to struggle to fathom My mind and must be led by Me very slow step by very slow step which can sometimes be tiresome and irritating. A brilliant teacher does not enjoy teaching dull students who cannot follow Him quickly.

Kishalay Sinha [G]